I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
