where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
