I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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