dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I supernannyed him into submission
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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