Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
