I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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