you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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