The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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