I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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