I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
