So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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