I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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