Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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