i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
