I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
