apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
