I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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