i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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