watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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