I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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