Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
