U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
