Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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