My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
