i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
