youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
