Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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