final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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