Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
