As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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