I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
