it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
