I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
