I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
