Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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