There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
