i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
