afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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