You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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