you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
