I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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