I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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