I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
