where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
