Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
