Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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