he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
