im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
