Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
