No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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