meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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