I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
