went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
