Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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