idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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