Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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