dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
