dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
