You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
