1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
