he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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