i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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