he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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