her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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