Having a random hookup so left but love u
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
