im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
