My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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