Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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