Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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