we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
