Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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