Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You pole danced in your parka.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
