Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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