why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
