My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
