im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
