I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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