Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
