im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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