i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
