Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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