just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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