I think I died a long time ago.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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