Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
