Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize