i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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