i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
