I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
