I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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