I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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